We are Dan and Alisa, and we have two little girls (our oldest will be three in March). We learned about Anna from our caseworker when he came to update our home study. He told us that Anna was due to arrive in seven weeks and that her birth mom wanted a closed adoption.
After all the training on open adoption, we were a little surprised, but, at the time, it felt right for our family. Originally Anna’s birth mom didn’t want us to know even her name. When Anna was born, her birth grandparents asked to meet us at placement, and by then, her birth mom had decided that she wanted to be the one to place Anna in our arms. We got to talk to her for just a few moments.
At the time of placement, the caseworkers asked Anna’s birth mom if she wanted any letters or contact from us. She said she’d like some photos when Anna was a year old, but nothing before then. So once a year we send photos to her through the agencies. Anna was born in Utah and placed with us here, but her birth mom moved out of state soon after placement.
We first learned about our second daughter, Evie, when her birth mom emailed us after seeing our profile on itsaboutlove.org. She had a little over three months left in her pregnancy, giving us lots of time to get to know her. We felt a connection with her almost immediately and met with her and her parents about a month after we first exchanged emails.
We were always comfortable with continuing to exchange emails, but because of Anna’s closed adoption, we were uncertain about whether an open adoption with Evie would be hard on Anna. After giving it some thought, we agreed to visits with Evie’s birth family.
Evie’s birth mom lives about an hour and a half away, so we see her about every other month, if not once a month, and we continue to email, text, call, etc. We love seeing them, and Evie’s birth family has been wonderful about loving Anna as they love Evie.
That’s not to say that it’s all been easy. As much as we love Evie’s birth family, some of our extended family has struggled with our relationship with the birth family. At times, we’ve really agonized over how to navigate these extended family relationships.
At the time of placement, the caseworkers asked Anna’s birth mom if she wanted any letters or contact from us. She said she’d like some photos when Anna was a year old, but nothing before then. So once a year we send photos to her through the agencies. Anna was born in Utah and placed with us here, but her birth mom moved out of state soon after placement.
We first learned about our second daughter, Evie, when her birth mom emailed us after seeing our profile on itsaboutlove.org. She had a little over three months left in her pregnancy, giving us lots of time to get to know her. We felt a connection with her almost immediately and met with her and her parents about a month after we first exchanged emails.
We were always comfortable with continuing to exchange emails, but because of Anna’s closed adoption, we were uncertain about whether an open adoption with Evie would be hard on Anna. After giving it some thought, we agreed to visits with Evie’s birth family.
Evie’s birth mom lives about an hour and a half away, so we see her about every other month, if not once a month, and we continue to email, text, call, etc. We love seeing them, and Evie’s birth family has been wonderful about loving Anna as they love Evie.
That’s not to say that it’s all been easy. As much as we love Evie’s birth family, some of our extended family has struggled with our relationship with the birth family. At times, we’ve really agonized over how to navigate these extended family relationships.
Often strangers like to point out how different our daughters look, and their adoptions have been very different too, but we know that they are both meant to be a part of our family and we’re grateful to both their birth mothers for choosing adoption.
We would be happy to offer support on:
Closed/Open Adoptions
Communicating with Birth Families
Post-placement Emotions
Relationship between the Birth Family and the Extended Family
Face to Face Meetings
We would be happy to offer support on:
Closed/Open Adoptions
Communicating with Birth Families
Post-placement Emotions
Relationship between the Birth Family and the Extended Family
Face to Face Meetings
If you have any questions for Dan and Alisa you can contact them at hoping4.1more@gmail.com
0 comments:
Post a Comment